Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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