If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
