I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
