Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
