I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
