ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
