He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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