Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
