There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
