the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
