How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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