The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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