U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
