I'm gonna have a badass scar
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
