So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
