I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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