Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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