I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
