I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I still have a little drunk in my system
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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