we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
