You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
