and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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