You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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