ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
