Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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