Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
