Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
