I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
