we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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