If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
