you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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