evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
