I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
