he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize