we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
