A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
