she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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