i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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