My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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