today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
