5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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