i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
