I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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