We're facebook friends in real life
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
