Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's blow job season.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
