i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
