Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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