So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
