there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
