she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
