Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have post one night stand depression
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
